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S3x06: A Model Citizen

April 5, 2010

AIR DATE: 11/11/1994
WRITTEN BY: Tom Fontana & George Zamacona
TELEPLAY BY: Noel Behn
DIRECTED BY: James McNaughton
GUEST STAR: Lauren Tom

“A Model Citizen” is one of the most memorable episodes in the entire series, courtesy of the cheeky performance of Lauren Tom as the one, the only EMMA ZOOLE. Say the same name “Emma Zoole” to any H:LOTS fan and first they’ll laugh and then they’ll say something like, “Oh my god!” and then they’ll laugh again. This episode is an attempt to up the sex quotient demanded of the producers by the network. Naturally, they went above and beyond what anyone expected of them and with hilarious results.

PEMBLETON, RUSSERT and GEE
Well them chickens done come home to roost, y’all. Pembleton and Russert – along with the city of Baltimore – have been sued by the White Glove Killer to the toe tapping tune a kajillion dollars for violation of civil rights. Gee gives Pembleton the good news/bad news along with his department appointed legal counsel. When urged to settle for a substantially lower number, Pembleton scoffs, “So, what we got a discount?” Russert, feeling both pissy and smug about being right, torpedoes Pembleton’s credibility when she takes her turn on the witness stand.

HOWARD and MUNCH
A kid walks in to a squadroom – stop me if you’ve heard this one before – to report a shooting he thinks occurred at a bus stop near his house. He just wants to be on the record as having reported the shooting. Munch thinks it’s swell that a kid would wish to be on the record in case a shooting ever happens to take place at the disclosed location, but boots the citizen of the month on out the squadroom. However, Howard is not convinced and when she agrees to shuttle Munch to his Alcohol Awareness seminar – he will later be expelled from because he can’t keep his fucking mouth shut – decides to take a detour to “check out the supposed crime scene”. Naturally, there is more to this story than meets the eye.

LEWIS and BAYLISS
Lewis meets Emma and falls in love. Bayliss meets Emma and falls in love. Emma meets Emma and falls in love. The lovely crime scene model sculptor dazzles the detectives in separate interactions eventually turning the brothers in blue into the brothers in black and blue. Sadly, Emma does not return Lewis’s affections and instead falls for Bayliss whose head she always wanted to bronze. She takes him to see some serial killer artwork and then home to have goth sex in her white faithfully rendered coffin. When Bayliss asks if Zoole’s gonna close the lid on them she says, “Only when I know you better.” Oh no she didn’t!

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. mcm permalink
    April 5, 2010 11:05 am

    I must admit that I have used the name EmmaZoole as a web forum handle.

    I had such a crush on Bayliss.

  2. April 5, 2010 11:27 am

    Bayliss makes a great trysexual.

  3. April 5, 2010 3:34 pm

    @mcm – ha! I have too. of course it was more EmmaZoole73 or something since someone else beat me to it 😉

    @Bayliss’s sexual exploration is often times better than his police work.

  4. hsofia permalink
    April 5, 2010 7:08 pm

    It’s been years, so forgive me … didn’t Bayliss have a leather jacket he used to put on when he would go strolling the night streets trying to find his mojo?

Trackbacks

  1. S3×12: Partners « Snarky's Machine

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