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Snarky’s Says Vol. 1

March 16, 2010

Here’s an entry you’ll want to bookmark.

assclown n. – all inclusive, gender neutral way of describing folks who piss you off. ex: I wish these assclowns would shut the fuck up. Related: head assclown at the rodeo, engaging in assclownery

bell bottom adj. – old, outdated, obsolete. ex Dude, check out the bell bottom phone Gordon Gekko’s raging in Wall Street! What’s that thing weigh, like ten pounds? Origin: My sister. Will Smith (Parents Just Don’t Understand).

cha cha heels n. – open toed strappy stacked heel. Don’t mess around with me, you won’t know what to do. I’ll put on my cha cha heels and walk all over you. Origin: Eartha Kitt, John Waters Female Trouble.

chonies n. – underpants. ex: I need some new chonies. Origin: Spanish slang for undies, the whites.

chow chow n. – extraneous discussion, talking, explaining, processing, deflecting, reflecting or other behavior of a tedious nature. ex: I cannot take anymore of this planning meeting chow chow. I’m bouncing. Origin: Samantha Jones used the term to describe the annoying way her friends and lover talked about practically everything, but particularly relationships.

Age of the geek, baby!

clown horn adj. – cheesy, vaudevillian, big finish type of anything, particularly when it is least appropriate. ex: It is so hard to get decent news in the era of clown horn journalism!

dreamcatcher adj. – any pretentious and often culturally misappropriating hippie shit. ex: I’m not listening to this dreamcatcher motherfucker and I’m not paying cash money for some bullshit karmic laundry services. My karma is dry clean only.

hooker boots n. – high heeled boots, usually with a stretch PVC shaft.

hot buttered adj. – to a large degree, dripping with. ex: This band covered in hot buttered fail.. Origin: The classic Isaac Hayes release Hot Buttered Soul.

hot bag of “no thanks” n. – to decline, disavow or disagree, yet phrased somewhat in the affirmative. ex: She thinks she’s about to put a perm on top of my color? Oh I think I’ll take a hot bag of “no thanks” on burnt up scalp and baldness.

streisandicure n. – painting ones nails while watching Streisand films. a SM created nickname for Barbra Streisand’s nails. Aspirational. Meticulous attention to one’s nail health, shape and camera-readiness. ex: I need to ease up on my blogging because this Streisandicure’s ‘posed to hold till Friday. Origin: blurted it out while watching The Way We Were then posted it on Facebook 3/10.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. March 16, 2010 7:16 am

    Oh Eartha and her buzzsaw of a voice!

    My only gripe with this entry is that if everyone comprehends your patois, I won’t feel like such a special snowflake anymore. Then again, I shouldn’t be ‘ounding you with my insecurities.

  2. March 16, 2010 8:51 am

    “You may be a gay redneck if you spent your teenage years singing into a fan to sound more like Eartha Kitt.”

  3. March 16, 2010 10:23 am

    @redlami – don’t worry, given what I know about readers, they won’t. Instead they’ll just argue with me about what it means.

  4. March 16, 2010 2:49 pm

    I’m loving “clown horn” esp.

  5. March 16, 2010 6:20 pm

    I swear to god, last night I was working on chapter ~infinity~ of The Book, and I wanted SO BAD to use ‘chow chow,’ but I knew it was plagiarism, so I didn’t (thank you Kate Harding). If I was doing non-fiction, I’d damn straight use it and give you a footnote.

  6. March 18, 2010 1:30 am

    @Kelly – Thank you. Glad to see you back! Clown horn is totally fun to write and say aloud. A lot of these are actually better today aloud than to type.

    @minervak – PLEASE, use CHOW CHOW. use it as much as possible 🙂 use them all 🙂

  7. infamousqbert permalink
    April 14, 2010 1:33 pm

    love every last one of these. i’m always envious of people who can make up their own slang and use it without sounding clunky.

  8. Coco permalink
    April 28, 2010 1:42 pm

    Oh, I love all of these. I’m torn between hot bag of “no thanks” and chonies as my faves.

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