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Let’s Give It Up for Ourselves

January 18, 2010

The 67th Annual Golden Globes, the official kickoff of the awards season chow chow, took place last night despite a drizzly start. The govenator was present in case he needed to declare a state of emergency if the hair and dress wrecks brought about by the weather were overwhelming.

In actuality, he was there to mispronounce Avatar – Abbatar – and make the room uncomfortable with his late-to-the-party dig at NBC.

The night’s host – an ill suited Ricky Gervais – whose only real zinger came at the expense of Mel “Sugar Tits” Gibson. Gervais was painfully unfunny, prompting Shapely Prose live blog commenter to ask, “Did the funny not clear customs?”

The awards themselves held few real surprises, which also contributed to the rather self-congratulatory and generally bloated feeling of the broadcast. I’m pretty certain you don’t need three hours to give out like six awards, especially when you play all the minor award recipients off the stage before they can navigate the minefield of egos and tables to actually accept their globes. Why are those tables so close together anyway?

Mo’Nique gave a truly amazing speech and managed to ignore the collection of stink eyes given to her by actresses who hadn’t eaten since the nominations came out as she took her glorious frocked aunty shape to the stage.

RDJ hilariously admonished the producers not to play him off the stage. Good for him. Besides Mo’Nique’s golden aunty shape and Mariah’s personal golden globes, he was one of the few diamonds in an otherwise Cubic Zar-phonia broadcast.

And then we have The Dude.

Jeff Bridges’s win for Crazy Heart was truly the highlight of the night. His speech – long and very dudelike – was worth the nearly two decade wait. I’m hoping this makes him a top runner for the Oscar and ushers in a big 2010 for him. More importantly, I hope this shushes some of the Tron 2: Electric Bugaloo haters.

Martin Scorsese’s Cecil B. Demille acceptance speech seemed more like one of Grampa Simpson’s stories or a film school lecture and less like an acceptance speech with each passing moment.

And it was not your imagination. Deniro did in fact kiss every black woman in the room, including the coat check girl and Miss Golden Girl herself, Mavis Spencer, whom Kate termed “Lil Alfre” giving mad props to her awesome mama Alfre Woodard.

But it James “I had to pee” Cameron’s night – though his in mind it’s always his night – but he wasn’t above allowing the rest of us sharing his world to “give it up for yourselves” which we did, early and often.

The best unintentionally hilarious moments came from the camera seeking out Harrison Ford’s reactions after award winners were announced. It seemed each winner needed Ford’s approval before taking the stage and then quickly found themselves played off with a grimace from George Lucas.

The Golden Globes like to think of themselves as the Oscar’s cheekier cousin and in some ways they are, but last night’s broadcast was more high school sports program award banquet and a far cry from the days when stars going to the bathroom while their named was called for an award was fresh and actually funny. Hopefully, they should scrap the host idea, and of course, serve drinks to the audience, rather than the guests, as we are the ones who actually have to watch this damn thing.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. January 18, 2010 2:48 pm

    I’m amazed at how much attention Mariah’s globes got, considering that she never even got on the stage.

    One of the highlights for me was William Hurt’s impression of one of the Smith Brothers. It was a night of extreme beards: aside from the Dude’s, all of them were either severely over or undercooked.

  2. January 18, 2010 3:01 pm

    It seemed as though Hurt had two beards, like high beams and low beams.

  3. January 18, 2010 3:02 pm

    It looked like he brought a spare, in case anyone else ran out of theirs.

  4. Charlie permalink
    January 18, 2010 5:03 pm

    I;ve got to say- I have never seen the appeal of Ricky Gervais, especially when he is over there making his money. Is he really that popular over there? Or are there no decent hosts for award ceremonies anymore?

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