Classic Snarky: One More Piece From The Boy’s Room.
Written a year ago to the date:
I hate the first part of the month when I’m scrambling for projects. I pay my expenses and figure how many things I need to piecemeal together in order to do it all over again next month. I think I’m okay for this month and probably through the beginning of December, yet I can’t relax. I get shaky because now is just not the time to be an unorganized freelancer. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to Jamie who’s got more education and more work experience, but he has projects scheduled for the next six months! And projects just find him. He is not always on the lookout for the next john like some dodgy hooker on the strip.
I also hate that he doesn’t have to take on anything he’s offered. He can turn down projects (and does so often) while I say yes to practically everything! I’ll say yes to a decent paying speaking engagement even though it’s going to take me several hours of prepping and I already have grants to be written. I’ll volunteer to help someone out knowing it’ll lead to a paid gig, when I don’t really have the time to commit. Then the worst part, like this week, I’ll stack things up like firewood leaving huge gaps, when I have only one thing going on (which I already finished) and it’s too late to get something else going.
And the downtime makes me all panicky and anxious. I mean I have stuff to do next week, but that’s next week. This week I don’t have much going on (except my usual writing, reading and researching stuff) and I feel like a loser because I don’t have an office-y place to go to. Sometimes it’s hard to be proud of the work I do since most of it happens while I’m wearing a cheap bathrobe, a doo rag and shower slides. I also hate that I have to spend so much time on the computer due to work. I remember that from college (working in the computer lab and library and in the admissions office) and how I just seemed to get into a lot of stupid internet drama because of it.
I’m watching The Empire Strikes Back and it occurs to me that despite running a powerful and successful empire, you never see Vader doing paperwork. EVER. Like I know he has to deal with HR and Payroll, especially with the number of underlings he goes through. He doesn’t call that many meeting either, which is weird. I’ve never known a Boss who didn’t like having meetings, especially a boss that everyone was totally scared of! That said, I really like how efficiently he runs his “office”.