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New Math

November 11, 2009

My physics professor, who looks not unlike Barney Miller, brings in delicious looking homemade lunches everyday. While I don’t always feel so hot about my physics class, I’m always hot for his lunches. His rich looking chicken salad sammiches piled on thick slabs of dense bread, his crust top mac-n-cheese and soups you can stand a fork in.

He likes to cook, which explains all the good food. I do not. which explains why the folks at my favorite take out place know me better than my family. Mr. Snarkysmachine is a fabulous cook and makes me something I like to call, “Holy heaven on a French Bread.” which makes eggplant parm portable! This and lasagna are the only things I know how to make.

My other culinary specialties include:

Tap water Oatmeal

Well, that’s about it. I am all about eating what I like, unapologetically. I try not to get into foodie type snobbery. My favorite chicken salad sammiches come from the gas station around the corner from my place, made fresh daily by the self described “former lunch lady gone good”. Oh they are so yummy.

One of my good friends is in the hospital recovering from a car accident (not seriously injured). When I asked him to earmark a chicken salad sandwich for me (the hospital also rocks the CS sandwich) he said, “Okay, bring me lasagna.”

“You mean like from a restaurant?”
“I mean, like from your kitchen.”
“Uh…”
“No lasagna, no sammich.”

We used to be involved so I was easily guilted into making lasagna, which took all of an hour of time and actually turned out pretty nicely. When I delivered it one of his coworkers sat perched on the window sill holding a paper plate.

“Ahh, there she is!” My friend said. Let’s call him Fake Nate Four, because oddly enough that’s his name. He introduced me to his friend with a jaunty. “This is Snarky. We have a complicated history.”

What?

I smiled. “Israel and Palestine have a complicated history. We were just two straight people who were entangled until the novelty wore off for one of us.” (Me, in case you’re playing the home version.)

“This is why nobody likes you.” Fake Nate Four peeled the foil back from the lasagna. He turned to his friend, “You ready to hit this?”

in other news…

I can’t seem to keep this damn newfangled bluetooth headset in my ear. I want my old Nancy-the-operator-From-Time-Life-commercials headset back! I don’t care if random strangers felt compelled to order fries from me.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. redlami permalink*
    November 11, 2009 10:40 pm

    If Mr. Machine is smart he’ll stop teaching you how to cook stuff lest your fabulousness puts you completely out of his league.

  2. November 12, 2009 5:35 pm

    Why is it other people’s lunches are always more attractive?

  3. November 12, 2009 7:53 pm

    I have no idea. But his lunches are total food porn.

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