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No cookies for you, motherfucker.

October 8, 2009

I bet you don't bite a chip cause you're not getting a cookie.

Everyone so often a friend links me some internet dramedy cage fight with a message stating, “I don’t know how to explain blah blah to this jerk.” and expects me to go in there and drop science. Actually, they don’t say “blah blah” but really that’s what it sounds like to me these days.

Mostly because I just don’t care anymore.

At first this made me kind of sad. I mean what would I be doing if I wasn’t running around making sure people understood how fucked up they were. I didn’t much care for dropping sci on the unschooled. Oh no. I reserved my snark for my favorite target: allies.

See, I fucking hate allies. I hate their bullshit. Their cookie acquisition techniques and their flaming sense of self importance. They pretty much make the world a boring, over processed place. I hated their policing everybody’s everything and also how they liked to take the piss out of just about anything.

I hated it because it is all for show. It’s not about making other people aware about the way in which – cause you know you’re dropping some sci when you use the way in which – their behavior is doing whatever bad shit you think the behavior is doing. It’s about being the one to notice and publicly shame them for getting caught doing whatever fucked up shit they were doing. And to be sure, fucked up shit happened, but there always seemed less emphasis on that aspect and more relishing being the one to “call it out”.

I realized just how much I hated allies when I noticed how often there was some cookie seeker (as I call them when I’m not calling them, “annoying ally mutherfuckers”) running up behind my messageboard post or blog comment with a hearty dose of “What I think Snarky’s trying to say is…” and everyone going “ooh” and marching away with my ally to have the conversation they wanted to have all along, you know, the one without the annoying oppressed person pointing something out to them and like harshing their ally mellows.

To be sure, I know exactly what the fuck I was saying and I didn’t need a white translator and more importantly I didn’t need a bunch of cookie seeking motherfuckers annoying the fuck out of me.

Does this mean there isn’t still tons of work to do? Hell no! There all kinds of things that need unpacking, deconstructing or whatever the new vocab word is these days. But it’s all become homogenized. It’s all the same language. The same party line and it’s fucking boring.

I’ve never liked the word “ally” because it denotes an allegience born out of some desire for reciprocity.

I don’t need allies. I need friends. I need partners in crime.

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24 Comments leave one →
  1. October 8, 2009 8:39 am

    I’m pretty sure the first time I heard the term “ally” used like this, I said something like, “When did we sign a treaty?” Being a decent human does not award you some sort of preferred trading partner status.

  2. redlami permalink*
    October 8, 2009 8:46 am

    What I think Snarky’s trying to say here is that there’s a need for real allies (i.e., friends) but she could do without the people who are just looking to parlay their privilege into cookies which they need as a reward for taking on their liberal guilt butthurt.

  3. Hank permalink
    October 8, 2009 8:52 am

    Please tell me that was a joke.

  4. October 8, 2009 8:52 am

    Amen. Can I have a cookie now???

  5. October 8, 2009 8:52 am

    it was!

  6. Hank permalink
    October 8, 2009 9:12 am

    Oh thank god. I figured it had to be!

  7. redlami permalink*
    October 8, 2009 9:27 am

    Allies looking to keep their mellows unharshed can follow me to the straight white tall educated middle class males’ caucus…

  8. October 8, 2009 9:34 am

    LOL.

  9. October 8, 2009 9:42 am

    Oh can I really? YAY!

  10. redlami permalink*
    October 8, 2009 9:50 am

    Yes. I can’t hand out cookies of course. But we can at least commiserate about how tough it is to be deprived of the cookies to which we’re entitled for being such good allies.

  11. DavidC permalink
    October 8, 2009 7:59 pm

    I want to point to another post criticizing the term ‘ally’: http://radicalmasculinity.blogspot.com/2008/09/can-we-stop-using-term-ally.html.

  12. redlami permalink*
    October 8, 2009 9:51 pm

    This is pretty much the same message. You don’t get a cookie for pointing this out.

  13. gnatalby permalink
    October 11, 2009 6:41 am

    I came over from Shapely Prose’s looong thread, and I like this post a lot. There’s such a difference between wanting to be good and wanting to look good.

  14. DavidC permalink
    October 11, 2009 7:57 am

    I replied to this! And my reply was in the comments thread for awhile. Now it’s gone?!

  15. October 16, 2009 6:58 am

    Oh my, how I flove you.

  16. hsofia permalink
    January 31, 2010 3:28 am

    After reading the critique of “allies”at radicalmasculinity.com … I’m just shaking my head. I know people of color working on their Master’s and PhDs in this stuff right now, and they are still using the term ally/allies. Sometimes I wish there was a Pope of Anti Oppression who could get/keep us all on the same page. I worry when words fall in/out of favor so quickly because they start to become markers (oh, you’re AO 2.0; I’m AO 3.3) of where one is supposedly “at” in terms of theory and the latest books read, and general weariness. I see some people get so focused on keeping up with the AO Joneses and using the “right” language that they don’t have much energy left to do any actual work. I also have seen people fight tooth and nail to get allies groups created in their churches, colleges, and other communities, and it breaks my heart a little to read that post at radicalmasculinity.com that the word shouldn’t be used anymore and connotes all these terrible things.

  17. March 5, 2010 8:04 pm

    I never liked the term “ally”, it felt off to me. And now I’m really harshed off it. Thanks for the post.

  18. March 18, 2010 1:31 am

    @Kelly – me too. It feels weird and it just doesn’t make sense when self applied. Thanks for you comment.

    Thanks to everyone else for your feedback.

  19. SurfinGuy955 permalink
    April 18, 2010 8:40 am

    Glad I stumbled on this blog. very formative.

  20. Paul permalink
    April 21, 2010 9:56 pm

    Fantastic entry, Snarky’s Machine. Very powerful.

Trackbacks

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