What I’ve Learned (so far) From Blogging
A couple of things I’ve learn from doing this thing for eight months. Just like the title says!
You have to do it every day
- My partner often waxes about a time in the dark ages of the ‘nets where it was possible to maintain an active website without much of the way of content generation. This both intrigues and depressing me. I mean it would be nice if I could rest on my laurels as it were and take time to craft each entry to perfection and then wait for the stragglers. Well them misty watered colored days done passed us by. Now it’s not a matter of how many days a week, but rather how many posts per day! This proves to be challenging because you can’t just toss up some kind of meta half assery like one could on Livejournal. Nobody wants to read that shit if you aren’t a known entity. I’m certainly not a known entity, therefore I’ve got to come up with twice daily ways of showing – not telling, cause I’m a writer – the world I’m new fucking hotness.
People really do not like pen thieves
- The single most popular thing I’ve ever blogged was about one of my favorite pens being stolen. I have gotten more emails, link love and discussion around my ill fated trip to Barnes & Noble in the Albany area than anything else I’ve written. It’s slowed down to ten or so emails a day. I stopped letting comments through because I don’t know. I’m weird about comments in general and even more so when something’s gotten super popular. People want to deconstruct the post and knowing my tendency for satire assume there is some “deeper” meaning wedged in there underneath the cop show tropes and Godiva shout outs. The only thing I slipped in was a legitimate product review.
If you don’t know what to write about, respond to your email
- I’ve gotten a couple of really fun posts by simply answering a reader’s question. My post about St. Elsewhere made me feel like i was back in any number of “media studies” classes I took in college. I also had a lot of fun watching Taking Pelham 123, despite not liking the film very much. it’s a good way to generate interesting content since you know at least one person besides you is looking forward to it. Ahhh, y’all gonna really hold me too this “legwork” thing aren’t you?
If they didn’t want to read it on your home blog they aren’t gonna wanna read that shit somewhere else
- I have made some painful mistakes in this regard cross posting content that was decidedly inappropriate for the culture and audience of the host blog. I have since learned if I wish to cross post something for a new audience I have basically got to dismantle the damn thing and rewrite it with the comfort level, word choice and customs of that particular sandbox in mind.
To spell out in no certain terms this is NOT a 101 space.
- Seriously, yo. We’re doing some next level shit up in this piece and I don’t have time to hold up the bus for those who are unwilling to do some of the legwork themselves. And if you can’t be arsed to do the legwork yourself, you don’t get to question mine, lazy mutherfucker. I am not about to explain who Roger or Zapp is or what that means for your weekend. I’m not even going to explain what “what that means for your weekend” means for your weekend. If you’ve shown up here your google probably works as well as mine and I suggest you use it.
People really get offended if you publicly admit you don’t like Joss Whedon’s work
- Even if you don’t say anything disrespectful about it! What can I say? I’m Team Fontanaverse! You aren’t going to hurt my feelings if you don’t like the bright stars of the Fontanaverse. I won’t even write you nasty emails like the ones I get from Whedon fans. I can smell the Mountain Dew and Cheetos from here, motherfuckers. Get a life.
People assume if you have strong opinion on anything you have strong opinions on everything
- I have neutral or no opinion on the following things: Miley Cyrus, Wilco, Fat women in tube tops, John Stewart, CSI Miami, Seth Rogan, Comic Books being made into Films, Brangelina, Combining celeb names to make words like “Brangelina”, The Office, Chuck Palahniuk, Grateful Dead, Jersey Boys, Ugly Betty, The current condition of pop music, Shamrock shakes, cosmetic surgery, Dan Brown, The Jonas Brother or High School Musical – the list is much larger, but I think you get the point.
If you’re black you better talk real nice like or else people will think you’re mean!
- This is something I had to relearn since I’m not given to endless chow chowery or framing things in ways that make it “easier for folks to hear them”. I’m direct. I couldn’t believe how many people found the phrase “I don’t know how many hours your days comes with, but mine only has 24.” such a hurtful slur against humanity. I bet my sweet faced gorgeous white bff could say it and raise the mutherfucking roof being hailed as “awesome” and “made of win” as internet white folk are given to saying.
If you talk about pop culture a lot then people think you’re stupid. If you rant about -isms a lot people think you’re smart
- Playa, I did my tour of duty as an online -ism educator and I just don’t know how many more ways I can say, “Shit’s problematic, yo and here’s the fuck why.” Xena bless those new jack citizens who are up to the task, but all that fierce righteousness is a young person’s game. I don’t mean to toot my own clown horn, but do you realize how smart you fucking have to be to drop Sidney Lumet sci the way I do and make people want to read it? Do you not get that I can out Tom Fontana TOM FONTANA? Moreover I can make a way out of no way, taking some shit like, “I wonder what Big and Miranda would be like as a couple. I bet I could sell tickets to that shit.” And guess what, news fans I did and shut that shit down. And that took me like – what – ten minutes, including screen caps! Do you understand what kind of beautiful mind can get a corner of the internet using “chow chow” and “chicken fried fail” in everyday conversations? You better ask somebody. And let’s not even mention the brain power wattage required to deliver daily does of thought provoking lulz. Comics don’t call it dying on stage for nothing.
Many of your commenters will try to smack you down and want you to thank them for it.
- Now I know I should be the last person calling out acrimonious commenters since I done wrote the manual on CWS (commenting while snarky). If I had commenters like me I wouldn’t even let them through the moderation queue. That said, I’m never surprised, hurt or disappointed if someone wants to go ten rounds with me when I make a comment they don’t like. In fact, I assume that will be the case, though I should also point out I do not walk around looking for a gun fight. You won’t find me backpedaling, shape shifting or trying to make a lemon comment into crisp lemonade. I might ease up on the snark, but I probably won’t change my position. I definitely am working on it and I challenge those who comment here – if they want to ever get out of the spam queue or have me respond to their 4810589 “Play Misty for Me” emails, they’re gonna have to chill out or at least say something that makes me laugh.
Uptight people are never going to get me and I’m so okay with that
- Uptight comes in a variety of strains but the one I’m referring to is of the liberal ally variety. They often send what they believe are helpful emails designed to get me to do whatever puppetry they see fit. Maybe it’s to clarify my stance on the term “hooker boots” because it problematically frames sex workers as people who wear a lot of boots. Or my stance that hookers in the 70s wore fur chubbies. I should stop that because it erases the sex workers who were anti fur and outspoken about it. Newsflash – I don’t give a shit how strip-to-pay-for-Barnard types feel about the way in which I frame hookerdom. They aren’t the boss of the hoedown. I’m not diminishing, dismissing or invisibilizing the very real plight of working class sex workers (of which there are many) – and I’m certainly not trying to frame their experience from a privileged-sex-work-is-transgressive perspective, which I find decidedly more offensive than me saying that hookers on 70s cop shows rocked a lot of fur chubbies. Oh yeah and that “sex worker” label, in my experience only gets applied to nice middle class, cisgendered, straight abled women, folks who don’t realize framing “sex work” as a choice and all the chow chow about “agency” (wtf, do we work for Charlie now?) doesn’t mean they’re transgressive, it just means they’re privileged! Now the rest of us (in or out of hookerdom) just get called hoes. It’s kind of like how a whole bunch of POCs living together in tight spaces is called the projects and whole bunch of white folks living together in cramped quarters is called Williamsburg. Ha. I haven’t hipster dissed this aggressively since ’02. That was fun.
The world unites around its love of office supplies
- Whenever it’s gotten all too snarky, I head over to the slew of office supply blogs I read daily. If you want to run a blog drama free, man that’s the racket you gotta get in. Nicest, funniest, most earnest folks around. Helpful too! Folks sending me pen hacks, offering me insider tips and giving the link love like it was free – oddly enough it is, not that you’d know it outside the office supply blogging world. It is that world where I have found truly the most inclusive, compassionate (and they don’t even use words like ally or problematic, cause you don’t have to!) people around. They welcomed this johnny come lately into their world with support, encouragement and I gotta tell you, if I go ghost for awhile, hit me up on my pen blog, cause that’s where I’ll be.