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Help Me Earth, Wind & Fire You’re My Only Hope

April 4, 2010

There is always a point half way during my workout where I am absolutely sick of the pounding of my Adidas Saturday Night Specials – ones purchased at TJ Maxx – on the road to nowhere. I have rehearsed and rewritten my Best Adapted/Original Screenplay Oscar – cause naturally I’d be winning both on the same night – in my head and it’s not yet time for Gonna Fly Now, which is the always the second to last song on the gym playlist and has been for about six years.

We can boogie down-ah-down-ah down...

That’s when I solicit intergalactic help in the form of funkateers Earth, Wind & Fire whose 70s costumes say to the world, “I don’t have to wait for flying cars and robot nannies to rock my BSG ’80 space suits! I’m busting them out RIGHT NOW!” The very same disco spacesuits Phillip Bailey would later dismiss with a chuckle when presented to him by Phil Collins. I switch my phasers to Let’s Groove, flip the treadmill into hyperdrive and set a course for Boogie Wonderland.

If you have had occasion to view this video you’re in for a real treat. The best of 70s computer graphics – the very same effects we would come to associate with flying toaster screensavers and winning games of Solitaire. If Dick Wolf ever wanted to jazz up the infamous “Law & Order Cast Walk” he should look no further than the first moments of the video for inspiration. All 2, 838 members of the band are seen Four Topping down a Tr0n lit catwalk – instruments a dancing – with Step in the name of Love precision.

Carmine said there would be one Maurice White yet here there are three.

Key Elements in the Video:

  • Dad-at-bbq-dancing. Phillip Bailey who is the daddiest dad at the bbq give his best shimmy shimmy cocoa puffs despite not wearing a “Kiss the Cook” apron or holding a set of tongs.
  • Band members dancing while playing their instruments. Lots of band of that era kind of did this, but when even your DRUMMER done got to give it up (part 1), well that’s something worth mentioning. No more sitting at the kit, indeed!
  • Maurice-a-licious. Maurice evokes Glenda the Good Witch as played by Lena Horne in THE WIZ and sings to a woman who clearly stole her outfit out of Patti La Belle’s trunk. At first she seems resistant to his charms, but eventually gives in. A wise move. Girl, don’t make him put the Maurice White Whammy on you! Guaranteed to make chonies within a 200 mi radius drop to the ground and Fed Ex themselves to the stage. Many an Auntie Shape done lost at least five of pairs of good panties this way. Protect your chonies and SUBMIT.
  • Instructive lyrics. While I’m a fabulous dancer, I’m not a choreographer so I appreciate any help I can get in this regard. When Maurice says, “Just mooove yourself and gliiddddde like a 747.” instantly fake flashlights appear in my hands and I’m directing fake planes on an imaginary tarmac. And when he says, “We can boogie on down, down, boogie on down, down…” I slow that treadmill down to 1.5 mph and finish reading about cakes I’ll never bake in Ladies Home Journal.
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9 Comments leave one →
  1. April 4, 2010 2:30 pm

    They should be on the “stuff white people like” blog right along with Bob Marley.

  2. April 4, 2010 2:35 pm

    Ha! I heard you singing, “After The Love is Gone”.

  3. April 4, 2010 4:58 pm

    I like “Fantasy” even better.

  4. April 4, 2010 5:26 pm

    Figures.

  5. April 4, 2010 6:05 pm

    I love the 3 Maurice Whites watching the little Maurice White dance.

  6. April 4, 2010 6:26 pm

    Ha. State of the art sexy, baby.

  7. Shanda permalink
    April 4, 2010 8:40 pm

    Longtime lurker here, found you @ Shapely Prose…

    You had me laughing sooooo hard! Everything you wrote was true! Thanks for that!

  8. April 5, 2010 10:22 pm

    @Shanda! Thanks for commenting and I’m glad I made you laugh. Welcome and stop by any time!

  9. July 6, 2010 4:31 pm

    okay, totally late to the party, but…

    is anyone else SERIOUSLY reminded of the muppet music videos when they watch that?? i know the relation between the two probably flows the other way (if at all), but it’s like they watched an episode of sesame street and said “yes! THAT’S what we should look like now!”

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