Snarky’s Says Vol. 1
Here’s an entry you’ll want to bookmark.
assclown n. – all inclusive, gender neutral way of describing folks who piss you off. ex: I wish these assclowns would shut the fuck up. Related: head assclown at the rodeo, engaging in assclownery
bell bottom adj. – old, outdated, obsolete. ex Dude, check out the bell bottom phone Gordon Gekko’s raging in Wall Street! What’s that thing weigh, like ten pounds? Origin: My sister. Will Smith (Parents Just Don’t Understand).
cha cha heels n. – open toed strappy stacked heel. Don’t mess around with me, you won’t know what to do. I’ll put on my cha cha heels and walk all over you. Origin: Eartha Kitt, John Waters Female Trouble.
chonies n. – underpants. ex: I need some new chonies. Origin: Spanish slang for undies, the whites.
chow chow n. – extraneous discussion, talking, explaining, processing, deflecting, reflecting or other behavior of a tedious nature. ex: I cannot take anymore of this planning meeting chow chow. I’m bouncing. Origin: Samantha Jones used the term to describe the annoying way her friends and lover talked about practically everything, but particularly relationships.
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Age of the geek, baby!
clown horn adj. – cheesy, vaudevillian, big finish type of anything, particularly when it is least appropriate. ex: It is so hard to get decent news in the era of clown horn journalism!
dreamcatcher adj. – any pretentious and often culturally misappropriating hippie shit. ex: I’m not listening to this dreamcatcher motherfucker and I’m not paying cash money for some bullshit karmic laundry services. My karma is dry clean only.
hooker boots n. – high heeled boots, usually with a stretch PVC shaft.
hot buttered adj. – to a large degree, dripping with. ex: This band covered in hot buttered fail.. Origin: The classic Isaac Hayes release Hot Buttered Soul.
hot bag of “no thanks” n. – to decline, disavow or disagree, yet phrased somewhat in the affirmative. ex: She thinks she’s about to put a perm on top of my color? Oh I think I’ll take a hot bag of “no thanks” on burnt up scalp and baldness.
streisandicure n. – painting ones nails while watching Streisand films. a SM created nickname for Barbra Streisand’s nails. Aspirational. Meticulous attention to one’s nail health, shape and camera-readiness. ex: I need to ease up on my blogging because this Streisandicure’s ‘posed to hold till Friday. Origin: blurted it out while watching The Way We Were then posted it on Facebook 3/10.
Oh Eartha and her buzzsaw of a voice!
My only gripe with this entry is that if everyone comprehends your patois, I won’t feel like such a special snowflake anymore. Then again, I shouldn’t be ‘ounding you with my insecurities.
“You may be a gay redneck if you spent your teenage years singing into a fan to sound more like Eartha Kitt.”
@redlami – don’t worry, given what I know about readers, they won’t. Instead they’ll just argue with me about what it means.
I’m loving “clown horn” esp.
I swear to god, last night I was working on chapter ~infinity~ of The Book, and I wanted SO BAD to use ‘chow chow,’ but I knew it was plagiarism, so I didn’t (thank you Kate Harding). If I was doing non-fiction, I’d damn straight use it and give you a footnote.
@Kelly – Thank you. Glad to see you back! Clown horn is totally fun to write and say aloud. A lot of these are actually better today aloud than to type.
@minervak – PLEASE, use CHOW CHOW. use it as much as possible
use them all 
love every last one of these. i’m always envious of people who can make up their own slang and use it without sounding clunky.
Oh, I love all of these. I’m torn between hot bag of “no thanks” and chonies as my faves.